AtanariaAh, Christmas. The season of joy, wonder, and extremely unrealistic expectations. You know, the kind where you’re supposed to be baking cookies while also somehow saving the world from ruin, all while wearing a perfectly festive sweater that never, ever gets a spot of eggnog on it. Of course, Christmas romance books and movies take these expectations to new heights. But don’t worry — I’m here to show you how to write one. And by “show you,” I mean I’m going to give you a completely unhelpful but very entertaining list of tips that will have your readers or viewers either in stitches or quietly questioning their life choices.
When I met Ataraxia and her unique typewriter, she got me reconciled with the christmas romance genre and this article is dedicated to her beautiful mind and the many, many incredible stories that flourish in her heart of hearts.
Now that this is all said and done, let’s get started, shall we?
1. The Meet-Cute That Should Require Therapy
The meet-cute is the sacred beginning of any Christmas romance. But we’re not talking about a simple “oops, I spilled hot cocoa on your pants” moment here. Oh no, no. Your characters need to meet in a way that requires professional intervention. Perhaps the heroine falls off a ladder while decorating her house — she’s about to smash face-first into the driveway when the hero (who’s clearly a man of action) saves her by somehow pulling her into his arms… only to be immediately smacked in the face with a rogue snowball. Love at first snow concussion? Perfect.
2. The Small Town That Feels More Like A Theme Park
If your Christmas romance isn’t set in a picturesque small town that looks like it was airlifted straight from a Hallmark commercial, then what are you even doing? The town needs to be so charming, it makes Disneyland look like a dumpster fire. You know, the kind of place where there are literally more Christmas lights than stars in the sky. There are carolers on every corner, a charming little café with an always available hot chocolate bar, and a bakery that somehow doesn’t involve any calories. The town’s population? Maybe 12. And 8 of them are related to the heroine.
3. The Christmas Spirit, Except 100% Of The Time
Your hero and heroine are not just full of holiday cheer — they are the embodiment of Christmas. The heroine’s name is probably Holly (or something equally festive), and she has an entire closet of ugly Christmas sweaters that she wears at all times, just in case there’s a random party. The hero? He definitely has a past, which he’s dealing with while simultaneously preparing the best Christmas dinner of all time for the townspeople. He also knows how to tie a perfect bow on every present, and he can play every Christmas carol by ear, which is just too much. These characters have zero flaws, unless you count being unreasonably good at everything.
4. The Love Triangle That’s Really Just A Feud Between Two Siblings Over Who Gets To Date The Girl Next Door
Sure, we’re supposed to have a love triangle, but let’s be real: every Christmas romance is secretly a family drama waiting to happen. One hero is the local carpenter with a heart of gold, and the other is the heroine’s old childhood best friend who has recently become extremely successful in some vague career that involves wearing a suit and carrying an overstuffed briefcase. The only thing they actually feud about is who gets to walk her down the aisle at the annual town Christmas dance. Naturally, both men spend the entire movie glaring at each other from across the room — but also competing for her affections by volunteering to bake the town’s Christmas cookies just to show they care. 10/10: you won’t remember any of their names, but you’ll still root for them.
5. The Snowstorm (AKA the “Conveniently-Forced-To-Sleep-In-The-Same-Bed” Scene)
What’s better than watching two people fall in love? Watching them fall in love while trapped together in a snowstorm that totally wasn’t planned. We all know the drill — just as the heroine is about to leave for the big city, she’s suddenly snowed in with the hero at a cabin, B&B, or abandoned ski lodge. The car breaks down, the power goes out, and all they have to survive is each other’s company and one blanket. You know what that means: they’re definitely going to fall asleep hugging each other by the fire, with no ill effects despite the fact that neither has showered in two days.
6. The Christmas Miracle, Which Involves The Hero Turning Into A Santa-Worshiping Convert In 48 Hours
Every Christmas romance must feature a miracle. But not just any miracle — we need a full-blown conversion to the Christmas Way. Our hero, who at the start of the story hates everything about Christmas, must be won over by the heroine’s unrelenting festive joy. By the end of the movie, he will have organized the town’s Christmas tree lighting, adopted an orphaned puppy, and offered to buy the heroine a brand-new car (because apparently, that’s what people do when they fall in love during the holiday season). Let’s be real: the miracle is probably just some really well-timed Christmas carols and a shot of eggnog.
7. The Unnecessary Plot Twist: Someone Finds Their Ex At The Christmas Market
If there’s no plot twist that makes absolutely no sense, are you even writing a Christmas romance? Enter: the ex who somehow always pops up at the worst possible time — maybe at the Christmas market, or worse, at the tree farm while the heroine and the hero are picking out a Christmas tree that’s probably too big for her apartment. The ex is the worst kind of person: perfectly nice, almost too perfect, and someone you know is going to ruin the entire vibe of the movie. Of course, they do. But not before making it really awkward by complimenting the heroine’s holiday decorations and pointing out how much better they are than her last relationship.
8. The Grand Gesture That’s Just Ridiculous Enough To Be Believable
What does true love look like? In the world of Christmas romance, it looks like the hero standing in the middle of a snow-covered square holding a giant custom-made sign that says, “I Will Love You Forever, Even After the Holidays.” And by custom-made, I mean it’s made of twinkling Christmas lights, and it’s somehow perfectly timed to light up right as she’s walking by. This gesture will probably be accompanied by a Christmas choir singing a very serious rendition of “Last Christmas,” and she will obviously say yes, even though we all know this was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen in public.
9. The Christmas Gift That’s Slightly Over-The-Top And Completely Meaningless
The perfect Christmas gift doesn’t need to have any real meaning. It just needs to be perfectly chosen. Maybe the heroine gifts the hero a framed picture of the two of them (even though they’ve only known each other for 48 hours). Maybe the hero buys the heroine a hand-carved wooden ornament that somehow reminds her of her late mother’s favorite candy. Who cares if it’s completely impractical? It’s festive, and that’s all that matters. Magical thinking, people.
10. The Kiss (AKA The “I Would Rather Die Than Let You Go” Moment)
The grand finale is, of course, the kiss. It doesn’t matter where it happens, as long as it’s in front of a Christmas tree, under mistletoe, or — even better — after an inexplicably tear-jerking moment involving the hero confessing that he never truly knew the meaning of Christmas until he met her (because she’s obviously Santa’s spirit in human form). The kiss is so perfect, it might just come with a soundtrack — and by “soundtrack,” I mean the loudest cheer from the townsfolk.
So there you have it — the definitive guide to writing the perfect Christmas romance. Will it be filled with unrealistic expectations, plot holes, and moments of pure cheese? Absolutely. But it’ll also be filled with all the things that make Christmas magical: mistletoe, snow, and the secret joy of knowing no one will ever, ever ask you to explain how it all actually works. Happy writing, and may your hot chocolate always be spiked with just a little bit of sarcasm.
