AtanariaBeing oneself can sometimes feel overwhelming. We sometimes wonder if we should fear our ego or if our lack of confidence prevents us from moving forward. What are self-confidence and self-esteem? Are they the same, do they serve the same purpose and how to boost one or the other? Here are fundamental questions that we all ask ourselves. The understanding of these two curves of our spiritual journey plays a major part in the construction of our identity. Today, we are going to dissect the celestial bodies of self-confidence and self-esteem and try to comprehend the spectrum of emotions they generate.
What is self-confidence and what is self-esteem?
The difference between self-confidence and self-esteem is sometimes blurry and the temptation to draw a line to separate completely one from the other is tempting at times. The word “confidence” comes from the latin “fidere” which means “to trust” whereas “esteem” comes from “aestimare” meaning “appraising, valuing, estimating, rating, weighting”. In other words, being self-confident is having a deep trust in oneself and more precisely, in one’s skills and abilities to have a successful interaction with the world. Confidence relies a lot on what is known, what we can evaluate as certain and prove feasible. On the other hand, self-esteem is more of a clear-cut emotion encompassing the appraisal of our own value and the matrix of our relation to ourselves, the world and others. Ideally, the realms of self-confidence would share those of self-esteem and they would balance each other in potent figures. Unfortunately, finding the equilibrium between these two spiritual entities is sometimes trickier than it seems and a person who has a lot of self-confidence may not have a fertile self-esteem.
The danger of misunderstanding self-esteem
Having insecurities and doubts is a natural and common process of the heart and mind. Mastering the healthy geometry which would align our senses and spirit and guide our hearts through the journey of life is a process. Self-esteem can be a tricky concept for our busy souls. Finding the right definition and the right purpose of this more cognitive engagement in our lives is an active work. Most of the time, you will hear some commonly spread fake ideas of what self-esteem consists of. The misconceptions include taking pride in your income level, your status in society, your notoriety, the amount of luxury you can show, your excesses; implying that anyone who would not have such things would be less than. Having a healthy and good self-esteem is in fact, quite opposite to this. Taking care of yourself, encouraging your community and participating actively in nourishing your environment are all results of a balanced self-esteem. Being accepting and forgiving of yourself but also others is in fact, letting go of the constant fear of failure to embrace your own slowdowns and misfortunes by not letting them damage your spirit.
The difference between self-confidence and courage
When you happen to be running low on self-confidence, courage comes in and takes over. We could describe courage as this noble part of our spirit, this unstoppable force that will help us deal with the unknown with a fearless face. However, courage will be the catalyser of your greatest strengths. This is why it is often considered as an invaluable, precious virtue that overcomes the power of self-confidence itself. Thus because, self-confidence relying on what we know allows us to take measured risks and evaluate how far we can push our limits in order to succeed. Courage will draw on the tremendous instincts of your body and the soul at its core. It will give you the ressources to subsume a world of inexhaustible possibilities. This is where courage asks our self-confidence a crucial question : “What would you do if you were not afraid?”
How to improve self-esteem and boost self-confidence?
There is no miracle solution when improving self-esteem and self-confidence is concerned as the answers will come differently for each and every one of us. However, there are some keys that I can give you which can help you boost your self-confidence and improve your self-esteem in a deep, healthy and meaningful way :
- Value your resilience
Your resilience is what sets the fear of failure or rejection apart and makes room for emotional growth. When we accept our mistakes, failures and other setbacks as learnings, we do not allow them to wreck or lessen our soul.
2) List your strengths
Take some time to sit down and think about your strengths and best qualities. Grab a paper and a pen and list them. With this simple act, you connect with your self-confidence and sets the records straight.
3) Would you tell a friend or family member what you tell about yourself?
Many statements you make about yourself are magnified by past life experiences, current insecurities or trauma. Because processing these emotions is a journey of its own, maybe the easiest way to see clear in our judgements towards ourselves is to question their validity. Would you say this to a close friend or a family member? This question might sometimes help you tell a harsh and unjustified treatment of yourself from a constructive criticism of your actions.
4) Cherish your body and soul
Caring for yourself is important. Treating your body with respect and care as well as nourishing your soul are important landmarks of daily life. This can come in many forms : a yoga class, a nice cleanse, meditation, letting go of a friend who treats you badly or simply going to the cinema.
5) Take the first step
This can be an act of courage or a result of a good self-confidence and self-esteem. Taking the first step and not waiting to receive praise or criticism from others for example, can be an extremely rewarding experience. Just as much as making the first step and forgiving a loved one after a dispute, trying something new that used to scare us or applying to this higher position you thought was out of reach. Taking risks and attempting the impossible is often a consequence of balancing our confidence and esteem in a harmonious way.
On the road to courage
Identifying the differences between self-confidence and self-esteem and understanding why we are lacking one or the other is a huge step in the new direction. Both are equally important in our personal development and improving their levels and comprehension can lead to a beautiful spiritual breakthrough : having the courage of being oneself, inside and out.
